A Box from the Past

The family home is being emptied, all the possessions enter their name into the league table of importance. The ones at the bottom find themselves relegated to the charity shop, or worse, the tip. Only the passage of time can reveal what was ever really important. All the things that you were once compelled to purchase are now completely meaningless, and the origin of things that you cannot live without is lost somewhere in the back of your mind.

Mum gives me a large shoe box full of things from my childhood, I’ve seen it before but it has been some years. There’s all manner of things in there: school reports, early martial arts belts, newspapers from significant dates and some school newsletters – notably, one containing a review of the school production of ‘Grease’, where I played Kernickie. The latter is particularly exciting as it is a double page spread with yours truly front and centre, leading the final performance of ‘Greased Lightning’. Accompanying the picture is the review from the local paper. And I quote; 

‘It was worth the price of the entrance ticket just to witness Liam Sullivan enthusiastically 
leading the finale, operating in an ‘I’m-loving-this’, hyper-drive. And it was worth double the ticket price to see Liam trying (but, unfortunately, not succeeding) to get the Deputy Head up to join the dancing.’

In the years since this, obviously seminal, performance I have been involved in many creative endeavours but never have I had such a glowing review. It’s all been bad backs and knee surgeries in the 17 years since my most crowning achievement. 

Among the school reports in the box I found there to be a window of self-understanding that I had not anticipated. In between some ridiculous ‘Student Statements’, where I obviously believed myself to be hilarious. For P.E. I wrote the following. 

‘This year in Games I have done well. Somehow I got into the top group despite not being able to kick a ball. I enjoyed softball as I got to dive around for no apparent reason. I aim to improve my overall sportiness.’

The ball comment still rings true. However, among the facetious comments there was a very obvious rift between subjects I found engaging, and those that I didn’t. For example, in Music, A’s across the board for effort and attainment, ‘Liam is a pleasure to teach’ was the opening teacher statement. Accompanied by a lengthy and in-depth statement from myself, highlighting just how seriously I took music and how enthralled I was with it. In contrast, the Religious Education page shows an attainment of ‘F’ and the teacher is very clearly not impressed with teenage Liam.

‘Liam’s mock exam result is a travesty. Whether or not Liam likes the subject should be an irrelevance as he should be giving his best in all subject areas and not knowingly selling himself short. There has been a deterioration in attitude and performance over the year and Liam still needs to learn when to listen and when to speak.’

This is a skill I am yet to master. Obviously, I was not enamoured with R.E. at school, which is ironic as I’ve spent a fair amount of time as an adult exploring my relationship with God. ‘Doesn’t know when to stop talking’ comes up quite a bit through the pages of this memory lane. As does ‘is not organised’ and ‘is easily distracted’. 

So what have I learnt from this? Well, nothing I didn’t already know, but I was not prepared for it to be so abundantly clear. I do not engage well with things that do not interest me, and I can be hyper-focused and very productive with things that do. So when I find something that does engage me, such as writing, I need to channel as much energy into it as possible. I also need to be mindful that I am still easily distracted, and as with many people in the modern age, the advent of the smartphone is a blessing and a curse. Tiktok is the enemy of productivity. I learnt to manage my lack of organisational skills many years ago when I became self-employed. The iPhone’s calendar app is a life saver. So that’s one for and one against the smartphone. Seeing these reports has actually helped me to manage myself better. And now I know why some managers through the years have been somewhat exasperated by my very presence. 

The final thing of note in the box was four newspapers. Each of which was put in there after some significant world event. There were two from the Iraq war documenting the fall of Saddam Hussein, one showed the statue that was toppled in Bagdhad in 2003. Another paper documented the death of Pope John Paul II in 2005. Both of these events were obviously significant at the time, but are not unlike images that have repeated numerous times since then, the memories of them faded into history.